By Melody Beattie: Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself Second (2nd) Edition

One of the best books I’ve ever read. So helpful in helping me on my journey. Buy this book. Don’t wait. I refer back to it and have pages marked.

I purchased this book after seeing it on a friend's shelf by chance. I didn't really know what codependency was, but something about it sounded right. So glad I went for it.My spouse "dabbles" in addiction. He manages to go as far as he can without going completely off the deep end. So that when I try to say there's a problem, he can deny it more easily by comparing himself to other "worse" addicts. He succeeded in making me crazy in just a few years of marriage. (Though my family of origin and being a mom of two young children also helped.)I had read probably 20 books before this one. Books about emotionally abusive or emotionally neglectful parents, about alcoholics, about sexaholics, etc etc. I read all these books outlining in great detail just how other people's behavior was ruining my life. But this book was the first one to emphasize ME, what role I had to play, and how I could do something for myself to break my own pattern. I wish I had read this book years ago!Between reading this and starting a type of meditation called Centering Prayer, I feel hopeful for the first time I can remember, honestly.If you think you might be codependent, even if your loved ones aren't "technically" addicts, read this book anyway!

Overall great book. The author goes into depth about codependency, why it is caused by, what it is and looks like and how to recover from it.Should you so choose this book can be a real life changer and saver.It important to note however that this was a early book on the subject and as such lacks a lot of the future insights and therapies of the books that followed on the subject. As such I would recommend you check out some of the more recent books on the subject. For example the authors own "The New Codependence". My personal pick, which Beattie endorsed herself, would be Ross Rosenberg's "The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us".The only complaint I have with the book is the use of "higher power" and "religious" advice. I feel this takes away from the professionalness and versatility of the book. This is the only reason why it's not getting five stars from me.Despite the shortcomings the author has down well especially when we consider the original time period of the books release (when little to no work had been done on codependency). It opened the gateway for the great work that has been done in codependency in recent years.

We hear religious prescriptions for a happy marriage that urge you to put the needs of your spouse first. We see the ideal romance in popular culture defined by how much people are willing to sacrifice for one another. Selfishness is a dirty word, and in so many places, we're taught that nice means self-sacrificing. Despite that, we often live in fear and anxiety, concentrating on everyone but ourselves, hoping that we can control the people around us, and worried about what will happen if we can't. In so many subtle, insidious ways, many of us have fallen into codependent behavioral patterns, and they're keeping us from living our own full, rich, authentic lives.Beattie has written a compassionate, practical treatise on how to be true to yourself in your relationships with other human beings. It was a huge eye-opener for me, and has helped me get in touch with my own needs in life. Though codependency, in its original definition, dealt strictly with the dynamic present with alcoholics and their loved ones, it's also a very useful lens through which to see nearly all intimate relationships. The ways that we become enmeshed with one another, blurring the lines between what's mine and what's theirs, are destructive to our own needs AND the needs of those we love. Little by little, I'm becoming able to honor my own boundaries and those of the people I love, and to truly be present as my whole self, not just the self someone else expects me to be. I highly recommend this book.

Great read, recommended to all.

First things first. I noticed a considerable amount of reviews calling this read "religious" or something to the like. While Melody mentions God and her faith, that's about the extent of it. She's simply describing her experience--not stating that religion is the answer. I cannot tolerate books that tout religion and prayer as the answer to everything. THIS BOOK DOES NOT DO THAT and if you're looking for help with codependency (like myself), this is (still) THE book to read.I'm codependent. This read has helped me gain confidence, say no, and shed my codependent nature. I still have tendencies to over-care, not set boundaries (something I suck at), and saying no, but I no longer feel crazy or that I need to fix it all overnight. I didn't ask for this behavior, but Melody's research and personal experience have helped me to understand why I do. And, like most, I do better when I understand why.I read this book every year as a way to "keep tabs on myself" and make sure I'm not reverting to past behaviors. If you're insecure, tend to be fixated on your relationships, find yourself unable to say 'no' or express your feelings because "they'll leave me if I do," PLEASE START HERE.

Wonderful book. Very straight to the point and worth the $.

The author does mention God a lot, however when reading this I took God as more of a “universe” approach so all people can read it, religious or not. Great insight and definitely helped me see the patterns I was creating in my own relationships. We are not crazy! :)

Even though this book focuses mainly in codependents from alcoholic relationships, it applies to all of us who have developed codependency from other types of experiences. Extremely valuable book!

I had a inkling that I may be codependent. This book showed me that yes, I am codependent.

I think that the value of this book is bigger that we can think.. the concepts are essentials. A enormous help for everyone that are growing, that needs help, that need to find a path in their life.You will be different after read this book.Thank you very much Melody

Me ha servido mucho el saber de este tema que desconocía hasta que me recomendaron este libro. Esta bien escrito y desarrollado además de que trae una metodología para entender los pasos para resolverlo.