Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life Paperback – April 1, 1992

I'm a spiritual, not really religious person and I'm not into bible study. Honestly, the bible is not one of my most inspiring spiritual texts to be honest as a Christian. I was hesitant for that reason about this book, hoping it wouldn't be preachy or judgmental. Instead, what I discovered was a wonderful use of biblical verses that is very lightly woven into the stories about why it's important to set strong boundaries, and why God wants us to stop being martyrs and make choices that support our happiness and well-being. This is such a refreshing approach to using the bible as helpful inspiration to apply to real life situations, similar to Joel Osteen. The authors are very down-to-earth, real, honest and direct about the issue of weak boundaries, identifying them, and explaining how to implement them. I bought another book called Energetic Boundaries in the past that was more focused on metaphysical aspects of boundaries. That was helpful, too, but this book blows it out of the water with it's grounded approach and strong tone encouraging the reader to take charge of their life and stop being a doormat. So many spiritual, Christian people tend to be taken advantage of or get burnt out always tending to everyone else's needs, and this book gives permission to stop that unhealthy cycle so you could feel peaceful and take better care of yourself instead of feeling guilty like you owe everyone else your time and energy in order to be a "good" person. I sent this book to my best friend, and we've been reading it together and agreed to be each other's boundary buddies when those pushers come along our path, which they often have! I highly recommend this book for anyone who enjoys the spiritual connection and psychological awareness that makes for a holistic approach to changing unhealthy habits. I also purchased Doreen Virtue's Assertiveness for Earth Angels but it's not as in depth as this book, and has a more gentle, soft approach that hasn't drawn me in strong enough, where this Boundaries book feels highly motivating to me. Doreen's book has been sitting on my shelf for a year and I've breezed through it not feeling compelled to get into it yet. The first day I opened this Boundaries book, I read 50 pages on the spot, highlighter in hand.

I had this book recommended to me by a friend after coming to some similar (although rudimentary) conclusions about the importance of separating from destructive situations.Honestly, reading this book was the first time in my (very churched, very "Biblical") life I'd heard anyone teach clearly about setting necessary boundaries for yourself. I'd never had permission to do that before; in fact, that had always been packaged as a selfish and un-spiritual desire. I even had a pastor at a small church witness me separating myself from a painful, destructive relationship -- and then preach at me from the pulpit that what I needed instead was simply to "love more". This attitude is so prevalent in churches across the US, whether it's implicitly or explicitly stated. And it's deeply harmful, because not only does it not work, but it creates a feeling of hopelessness and shame in the people who try to "just love more" until they suffer a complete breakdown or shutdown or walk away from the faith in despair.What the book Boundaries teaches instead is that setting limits, protecting yourself, and separating if necessary are all loving actions and deeply "Christian."The authors write clearly and share many case stories and personal examples. They back their statements both Biblically and scientifically.This book won't solve all your problems, but it will perhaps be an important first step in your journey. I had (and still have) a lot of questions that I'm working through. The authors continually stress going to God for guidance; there aren't cookie-cutter solutions.I read the book with many tears and great thankfulness; it was exactly what I needed and deeply healing.

This book was like a having a life preserver thrown to me while I was drowning out in the sea!! I always felt like I needed to be the caretaker to everyone and never said no to anyone in my world in order to avoid anyone getting upset. The end result was a life of upset for myself!! I didn't know how to do anything different, or expect anything from anyone else, because my habits were so ingrained. The way this book outlines exactly what you need to do made it clear to me that it is ok, even healthy, to set boundaries with people. And when I applied these skills, I found myself more at peace, relaxed, confident, and free since I was now being true to myself. And it's made others around me step up and take ownership of their own responsibilities and actually believe me when I say no, now. It's like a huge burden gets lifted when you start taking care of yourself and not giving in to things that don't feel right to you. It's a new way of living that reshapes your behaviors, that ultimately trickle down to others around you. It's been effective when dealing with my spouse, mom, friends, child, volunteer leaders at church, and coworkers. An excellent read that will change your life for the better if you apply the skills!! As long as you stick with it. At first, other people around you won't be use to you setting boundaries so things almost seem to get worse with some for awhile that are use to getting their way, but stay assertive and confident in your stance, and keep doing the same thing, and eventually they get it, know you're serious, and eventually, some mutual respect comes right along with it! It's worth it to follow through and adhere to the authors advice!! It's a journey worth taking!